Monthly Archives: December 2014

Finding number three

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It seems like now is as good a time as any to talk about my pregnancy with baby #3 on my blog. I’ve mentioned it once before but hadn’t been sure what more to say… until now.

Telling people you’re pregnant with your first child is constantly joyous. People’s eyes light up with excitement when they hear you’re bringing a new life into the world. They dote on your entrance to the land of parenting. They express emotions like happiness and show genuine excitement for the journey that’s unfolding.

Telling people you’re pregnant with your second child is still mostly joyous. People’s eyes light up with excitement when they hear you’re giving your first child a sibling. They express emotions like happiness and show genuine excitement for the journey that’s unfolding. Those that have more than one child, and some who don’t, give you a knowing look that is some combination of “It’s great” and “Just wait… you’ll see how hard it is.”

Telling people you’re pregnant with your third child is like telling them you have leprosy. On the outside they might appear happy (okay, no one would seem happy if you told them you have leprosy but it seemed like a good line. I digress.) but simultaneously they say things like “You’re crazy!” “You’re brave!” and “Good luck!” (And it’s not the kind of luck like they hope you win the lottery. It’s the luck that is loaded with the “You’re crazy” and “You’re brave” sentiments behind it). They show concern about the journey that’s unfolding and ask you questions like “can you afford it?” and “how are you going to handle three kids under 5?”

Just ask this guy – my favorite comedian Jim Gaffigan – what it’s like telling people you’re pregnant…again:

Since finding out we were pregnant with number three I’ve poured over every article and blog post I’ve seen about what it’s like to have three kids. I’ve questioned (maybe a bit aggressively) anyone I meet who has three kids, asking them questions like “How hard is it? Are we crazy? What should I know?” And, as I’ve gotten farther in the pregnancy I’ve found myself front loading the announcement to others by saying it all in one breath: “Yes, I’m pregnant. No, it’s not my first, it’s my third. We’re crazy,  I know.”

here comes number 3Now, with 10 weeks to go, I’m both overwhelmingly excited and terrified about having three kids. Our four and two year-olds are already so mommy-centric, what will happen when there’s a baby needing my attention, too? How long will it take these three, each two years apart from the next, to realize that they outnumber us? How will the growing pains of moving from two to three affect us (aside from the already inevitable purchases of a minivan and a king bed)?

Just like anything else, we all have to do what feels right for us. And this, having a third baby, no matter how crazy we might seem (or might be) feels right for us. And just because it’s not our first rodeo doesn’t mean we still aren’t experiencing pregnancy in a unique way independent of the other two. Each pregnancy has been different – from the way I’ve carried to the way I’ve felt (definitely most exhausted with this one!).

Last week, after quietly tracking my “kick counts” to ensure that the baby was moving enough each day, I felt unsure… my once karate chopping internal subletter had become quiet and calm. Something didn’t feel right. So we went to the hospital to get checked out. Everything is fine (thankfully!) and we were released after a few hours of monitoring. But it got me to thinking about this whole journey. Regardless of how many times you’ve been through it before, whether it’s your first baby or your third (or your 47th if you’re a Duggar), it’s all a journey with joy and excitement combined with foreign obstacles and concerns. Being pregnant with a third baby is really like being pregnant with a first baby for the third time. Yes, I know more than I did the first (and second) times around, but the magnitude of pregnancy and bringing a new life into the world isn’t at all diminished by prior experience… even if we are crazy!

Finding vacation mode

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watching the oceanIt has been a while since I last posted (sorry!), but the absence has been for a good reason. My family and I went on an eight day vacation to Mexico for a wedding with our entire immediate and extended family. Since returning home I’ve been recovering from vacation! After all, as a good friend once told me, vacationing with kids is not vacationing. It’s “parenting elsewhere”…parenting elsewhere without your normal creature comforts, routines, or anything else familiar. Of course, it was great spending time with family, seeing my kids digging in the sand and getting time away from normal life. But it took me the first 4 days of “vacation” to adjust and relax into vacation mode, which included:

  1. “Vacation” sleep: Four of us in one room is not much of a vacation. At home we are fortunate enough to put each child to sleep in her own room and attend to each of their needs separately and as we so choose. With all of us in one room, one child could see what the other was “getting,” like being rocked by daddy or snuggled by mommy, immediately inciting the “that’s not fair” complex and demanding equity. But really, nothing is equitable about sharing a room all together. After all, “vacation” sleep includes the inevitable moment where you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, only to have one of the kids pop up and say “Is it morning, Mommy? I want to come in your bed!” Of course, the alternative is crawling low along the floor so the kids don’t see you while you make your way to pee… and don’t think I haven’t done it!
  1. “Vacation” diets: It’s one thing to go on vacation as an adult and make an educated and calculated choice to break whatever “diet” you keep at home to adapt to whatever food is available on your vacation, including the potentially more frequent ice cream cone. But taking kids on vacation brings an entirely new meaning to vacation diet. It doesn’t help that we were staying at an all-inclusive where the choices were simultaneously plentiful and limited, especially when my kids are used to particular foods and choices. So it came as a bit of a surprise when we found ourselves forcing our kids to eat yogurt or eggs for breakfast before they could have a daily dose of Fruit Loops, convincing the beachside cafe to throw a slice of American cheese on a bun and then to grill it for our kids to eat their favorite sandwich for lunch with a “healthy” helping of French fries, and then encountering our dinner free for all of finding whatever we could get them to eat… usually boiling down to chicken nuggets. Any of these items at home once a week would be fine, but once a day for a week was rough. And the ice cream… oh the ice cream! Let’s just say we went on a “treat hiatus” after we got home to try to flush their systems (and memories) of the frequent sweets and to remind them of what a regular meal should actually consist of (hint: it did not include fruit loops or French fries).snuggled at the beach
  1. Vacation rules: Rules? What rules? Of course we were conscious of trying to maintain consistency from home to vacation, but whereas at home we have rules about how much TV the kids are watching, that rule went out the window the second we stepped on the plane and found the easiest way to keep our kids quiet and in their seats was watching cartoons on the iPad. Whereas at home we have strict guidelines about our bedtime routines, that rule went out the window the minute we realized that any sleep while on vacation is precious (see #1). Whereas at home we are consistent about schedules, expectations, and most aspects of life, on vacation there are too many unknowns and variables to maintain consistency. Like I said, rules? What rules?

All that aside, we had a great time. However, this experience lies in stark contrast to this past weekend… one in which my husband and I went away to Vegas with other adults while the kids stayed home. Did we miss them? Yes! Did we have an actual, by definition, vacation? YES! It took me about 30 seconds to settle into vacation mode on this trip, which included:

  1. Vacation sleep: We slept. A lot. In one night we got almost 11 hours of sleep… I couldn’t tell you when the last time was that we’ve done that but I know it hasn’t been in the last 4 years!
  1. Vacation diets: I can’t say we ate healthier on this trip than on the other, but we did get to enjoy a nice meal that did not include any chicken nuggets. Ironically, it still included French fries… the universal crowd pleaser, I suppose.
  1. Vacation rules: Rules? What rules? In Vegas there are no rules.

with the hubsThese contrasting experiences don’t deter me more from one or attract me more toward another type of vacation, but the acknowledgment of the differences between the two help to set up expectations from the get go. And these differences definitely remind me that having a vacation from the “vacation” doesn’t hurt either!